I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
