dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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