Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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