He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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