then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
