Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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