KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
