Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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