Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
