I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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