Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
