I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
