I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
