I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
