walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
