Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
