i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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