I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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