I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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