He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
