i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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