we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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