I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
