put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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