i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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