my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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