At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
