Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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