I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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