So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
