Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
