dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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