good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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