Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
