OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
