Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
