nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
