Jerry, you need to find god
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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