I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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