I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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