I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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