He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
