So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
