i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
