considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
