exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
