sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
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This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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