Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
