He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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