Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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