Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
