Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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