Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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