I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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