Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
