i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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