i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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