Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
