First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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