I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
