I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
