Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
