So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
