What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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