1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
