I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
