come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
