Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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