i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
