Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
