the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
