the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
