I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
