Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
