I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
